Let me start by saying that I am in a very deep and committed relationship. I have so much passion around this relationship that I am changing at the smallest level possible and also taking huge leaps of faith into the unknown. I am in a relationship with myself and creating space for another and others to be in full equal-harmonious relationship with me.

This has been an ongoing process for me but it truly started when I moved back to Minnesota in 2016. I spent time with my inner world…exploring my younger selves and how I had made agreements, judgments, contracts, and vows to myself at ages where I didn’t even know what I was committing to at that moment. I believe we all do this and it impacts and influences are more adult, developed sense of self. It keeps us stuck in a past we never really wanted to create in the first place.

It’s now been three years and the changes continue to happen. I shifted the way I move my body. I regained strength in my core. I let go of rules and “shoulds” and allowed my body, heart, mind, and spirit to explore newness. I released the old way of thinking and embraced new choices. And I am learning to trust my body. — Now, some might read this and think, “wow, she has her shit together.” — I’m a work in progress. I can feel this clear and determined one minute and then get triggered and spin into a negative, self-deprecating, self-hating monster.

It’s a journey. It’s a process. It’s a willingness to be vulnerable.

Relationship for me is availability, willingness, and self-love.

Availability: Am I truly available to be present with myself and another? Or am I filling my life with substitutes, fillers, entertainment to distract me or feed my ego vs my heart?
Willingness: Am I open to the possibilities? Am I secure within myself to trust the process of adventure? Or am I stuck in what I think I know and forcing my will upon the journey or another?
Self-Love: Am I going to love myself as I am or make myself wrong? Am I going to accept that I am created perfect or doubt myself? Am I going to love myself so others have the opportunity to love me – all of me!

I recently was deeply triggered by several people in my life – doctors, coworkers, friends, family members – and the journey of discovering how and why was a bit overwhelming yet led to a greater understanding of who I am and how my body is connected to my energy, soul, and thinking. I am in awe which for me is a place of surrender and peace. I am learning to trust my body and to allow it to show me what it needs.

Below is a picture of one perspective of relationship. My Virgo-side really likes visuals and this helps me to remember that it’s a wheel…that each spoke and section of the wheel is important. I wrote about the three things I am focusing on right now – availability, willingness, and self-love. If this graphic supports you, then I’m happy I shared it. If it doesn’t mean anything to you, then simply let it go. What it does offer me is points of consideration – Is it true? Am I allowing this statement or part of the wheel its rightful place? How can I open to exploring it more? These are all “I” questions because it begins from within and then is extended to another.

Am I staying accountable (in my integrity)…
Am I feeling safe so I am…
Am I honest with how I am feeling so I am…
Am I giving myself support, asking for support so I am supportive…
Am I living and making choices that are from love, pleasure, joy or…
Am I trusting my wisdom so I am in my full discernment…

Which all comes down to the inner circle – respect – Am I honoring myself and my needs?

I’ve been sitting and asking how I want to end this blog post. I’ve reread this one many times and although I agree with everything I’ve shared, I also have a slightly less serious perspective of relationship…You’re alive therefore you are in one! Have fun and follow your passion. And this doesn’t discount anything I’ve shared. There is a time for a deep dive and a time to play and have fun. Don’t fear the deep dive or the playful exploration…it’s all an opportunity to know yourself more.