Remembrance

Square

It’s about remembrance.

This is such a huge part of my journey. I feel as if I came to this planet in human form and over my young years forgot who I was and have always been. I always remembered that I knew how to love and that love and joy was my saving grace. Yet, I forgot the hugeness of where I came from and allowed the Earthy conditions of finite, confined, limited, and defined to shape me.
As humans we look outside of ourselves with eyes that pick up the physical seen world.
As humans we touch skin and objects and feel them as different than us.
As humans we hear sounds that conjure up images in our mind.
As humans we are self contained in a single body.


It’s very easy to believe that this experience is real. That death ends things. That life is limited by (fill in the blank). We define our limitations — it could education, status, money, gender, illness, age, race, etc… THE TRUTH:

We are limitless, infinite, eternal, intelligent, compassionate, beings of energy that are undefined. We never left anywhere and we are never going anywhere because that concept requires a start and an end. I talk about the journey because each experience offers me the opportunity to see, feel, know more and thus show up and be visible.

The upcoming surgery is about the celebration of what I have accomplished and the opportunity to have a physical, dynamic, and visual reminder of my accomplishment. It’s a turning point of being scared, unseen, and insecure around the physical world.
I needed to re-member my body and transform it.
I needed to re-member my thinking (beliefs/judgments) and align with my truth.
I needed to re-member the way I see and feel the world.

The body stores memories. It stores energy. It keeps a record of this life. I am in deep awareness that part of my body has been being released for years but more intensely these last few months as I release and transform. And now less than a month from surgery to remove skin and fat, I am cutting chunks of me off. That part of me will die. I will not have the physical to hold that energy, those memories.

I cannot find words today to share with you the tremendous process I am feeling on every level as I integrate this truth and recognize the memories that are stored in that fat and skin. I am feeling it. I am re-membering it. I am accepting the loss. Pray for me. Ask that I continue to be brave, to have the courage to feel and the faith that through it all, All is well.

This is not easy. So when people ask me how much weight I have lost? Or ask if I’m meeting my goal. Or ask why I am doing this? I want to answer them but the truth is my answer will never be good enough for your need to ask me in the first place. I also recognize that you may just want to connect and be part of my journey so I thank you. (I can feel my ego mind wanting to write about all kinds of things to justify, educate, prove my worth, convince you of xxxx — I will not go there.)

Instead I will take this opportunity to re-member more, open more, love more, share more, and have that faith in the journey of MORE!